Glutamine Or Pants
Never let it be said that I shy from the big decisions. Today's dilemma: I needed to pick up a couple of things (glutamine AND pants) but had time to pick up only one (glutamine OR pants). Without hesitation I proceeded to take the easy way out and get the glutamine.
Now in my defense there are a number of good reasons why getting the glutamine was the wiser decision. Like, I've got TWO (2) other pairs of pants I can wear to work but I'm OUT of glutamine (0). 2 > 0. See? The logic is irrefutable.
But who am I kidding? If you know me but at all you know that I hate to go shopping for clothes. Strike that. I don't "Shop For Clothes." I "Pick a Couple Things Up From the Store." "Shopping" implies browsing and comparing items and long discussions with sales associates. "Picking Things Up" implies a laser-guided surgical strike on pre-identified items.
I've been trained well enough to know that if I'm going to pick up some pants, I'm going to do it at either J Crew OR Banana Republic. But I also know that there is much that I don't know about those fine establishments. So there's a little game I play with myself called "What Color Is That?" I may think I'm buying "Tan" khaki pants, but I'm really buying "Stone" khaki pants or "Putty" khaki pants or maybe even "Heath Bar Crunch" khaki pants. And that's only with pants. At least their names are only slightly out of control. With shirts, Lord only knows what Marketing Department name I've just purchased: "Periwinkle Mist." "Cantaloupe Sunset." "Nordic Bisque."
I can't blame 'em for trying, though. I mean, if you're going to pay 148 fudging dollars for a pair of pants -- sorry, "dress trousers" -- they had dang well better be Nordic Bisque, hadn't they?
On the stereo: Fila Brazillia, Luck Be a Weirdo Tonight
Now in my defense there are a number of good reasons why getting the glutamine was the wiser decision. Like, I've got TWO (2) other pairs of pants I can wear to work but I'm OUT of glutamine (0). 2 > 0. See? The logic is irrefutable.
But who am I kidding? If you know me but at all you know that I hate to go shopping for clothes. Strike that. I don't "Shop For Clothes." I "Pick a Couple Things Up From the Store." "Shopping" implies browsing and comparing items and long discussions with sales associates. "Picking Things Up" implies a laser-guided surgical strike on pre-identified items.
I've been trained well enough to know that if I'm going to pick up some pants, I'm going to do it at either J Crew OR Banana Republic. But I also know that there is much that I don't know about those fine establishments. So there's a little game I play with myself called "What Color Is That?" I may think I'm buying "Tan" khaki pants, but I'm really buying "Stone" khaki pants or "Putty" khaki pants or maybe even "Heath Bar Crunch" khaki pants. And that's only with pants. At least their names are only slightly out of control. With shirts, Lord only knows what Marketing Department name I've just purchased: "Periwinkle Mist." "Cantaloupe Sunset." "Nordic Bisque."
I can't blame 'em for trying, though. I mean, if you're going to pay 148 fudging dollars for a pair of pants -- sorry, "dress trousers" -- they had dang well better be Nordic Bisque, hadn't they?
On the stereo: Fila Brazillia, Luck Be a Weirdo Tonight
1 Comments:
For this very reason, I try to visit a tailor in Bangkok when I want to buy myself some new dress pants. I mean, for fourteen hundred bucks (roughly the price you'd pay for ten pairs of Banana Republic pants at that off-the-rack retail price), I can buy a round-trip ticket to Thailand, ten pairs of custom-made pants sewn from fabrics of my choosing and still have enough left to cover the hotel and meals. Look, if you have to spend big money on dress pants, you might as well get a vacation in the bargain, right?
~ARON
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