Thanks, p. 46!

The apartment and I have finally recovered from the 4th of July/birthday bash, though I can't guarantee I won't find an empty bottle of wine somewhere...like under the couch.

Needless to say much wine and many many many margaritas were quaffed. Who knew that a crack team of eleven guys and gals could lay waste to a whole squadron of booze?

I knew the party was getting out of control when we finished off a rousing discussion of tampons with a round of gum chewing. Which was followed by another round of gum chewing. Is this what life after 35 is all about? Getting crazy at gum tasting parties?

My friends, as ever, were quick to remind me that it's all downhill from here. Thanks, dudes. I got your six. Just don't be surprised when a gum tasting comes to your birthday party, OK?

The presents, though, rocked.

I got some shirts from my roommate

Mostly, I think, so I'll stop borrowing his

I got a gift card to Banana Republic from Marc and Paul

I got grape-flavored glutamine tablets from them as well

Nothing finishes off a good gum tasting like grape-flavored glutamine tablets. Really

And I got books from Michael and Charles

The first book I got was some master guide to grilling and barbecuing. I knew I was in trouble when I opened the book and the first recipe I saw called for home-dried fennel stalks. Like I'm going to have the presence of mind to harvest and dry some fennel stalks so I can make "Fennel-Smoked Grilled Bass with Pernod." Or something. It's obvious that if when I make grilled bass with Pernod I'm making a beeline for "Fennel-smoked Grilled Bass with Pernod II," which calls for smoking bass with fresh fennel.

I also got the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy book. My first reaction was to say, "Listen, peeps. You're eating a lemon raspberry cheesecake that I MADE FROM SCRATCH. I've already moved on to Queer Eye 201. There's nothing these guys can't teach me."

How wrong I was.

I have gone through 35 years on this watery orb with nary a tszuj. I don't tszuj my hair. I don't tszuj my sleeves. I don't tszuj nothin'. But now, thanks to Carson and crew, I know how to fabulize my work clothes. Thanks, p. 46! You've shown me the way.