I'd Like To Thank the Little People

Today I'd like to thank the little people who have made it all possible. Without Charles, how would I have retrieved those peas that rolled underneath the refrigerator the last time I tried to make linguine? And without Betsy, how would I have gotten to those corn nuts that Kent sprayed underneath the car seat like he always does? I'd also like to give a special shout out to my homegirl, who at this very moment is in my left ear canal, diligently chipping out the ear wax with a tiny pick. You know who you are.

But I'd like to thank more than just the itty bitty people. I want to thank those who are just really short, the kind of people you can pick up and swing over your shoulder like a gunnysack full of turnips. Like Sammy, who balances on my shoulders and gets those cans of protein powder that are way in the back of the cabinet over the fridge, or those cans of motor oil that are in that weird crawlspace in the garage. Thanks, Sammy! You're the greatest.

But most of all, I'd like to thank Paul, who's really good about wearing brightly colored hats so I don't lose him in a crowd. You da man, Paul. You da man.