My Trip To Assateague Island
Next month I'm flying out to DC to see my buddy Greg. We're going to spend the weekend camping on Assateague Island, which I'm totally psyched about. See, "Assateague" is an old Chippewa word for "Teague's Ass." Which is kind of funny if you think about it, since the Chippewa didn't live anywhere near Assateague Island and probably wouldn't know Assateague Island if it came up and bit 'em in the... Anyway. What's really funny is that Assateague Island really does look like Teague's ass. I looked it up on a map.
Teague was this dude I knew from Weiss College who was always being a ballbag about something. He was the kind of guy who'd crash your party and drain your keg. You know how when joeys are born they gotta climb out of the uterus, up the momma kangaroo's stomach, somehow find the pouch and then clamp onto a nipple for like 3 months straight? That was Teague.
And it's not like I'm bitter about the beer or anything, 'cause I'm all about the love. But man, you don't go crashing our keggers, drain the keg until it's spitting foam and then decide it's a really good idea to shout "Team Weiss!" in my face until it's soaking wet from your beer spit. Because you knew that as a member of the Hanszen College Student Council I had no choice but to shout "Sucks!" back until you stopped. And as much as I loved to do that, I was usually talking to a girl at the time. A girl like Patty Brizendine, who played Powderpuff football and who was really stacked. You know, a pretty girl. Not like the skeezy chicks you were always hitting on, Teague.
Fortunately, though, Teague was kind of asthmatic. He could only keep it up for so long, then he'd get all wheezy and have to stumble into the bathroom where he'd suck on his huffer for a while. That usually shut him up.
The reason I'm telling you this is because Teague had a weird ass. For a total ballbag he was a pretty normal looking guy, except he had this weird ass, all big and womanly. It always made me wonder whether Teague was gay. Which is totally cool and everything. But childbearing hips on a dude is kind of queer.
Where was I going with this again? Oh yeah, Assateague Island. I'm totally looking forward to it.
Teague was this dude I knew from Weiss College who was always being a ballbag about something. He was the kind of guy who'd crash your party and drain your keg. You know how when joeys are born they gotta climb out of the uterus, up the momma kangaroo's stomach, somehow find the pouch and then clamp onto a nipple for like 3 months straight? That was Teague.
And it's not like I'm bitter about the beer or anything, 'cause I'm all about the love. But man, you don't go crashing our keggers, drain the keg until it's spitting foam and then decide it's a really good idea to shout "Team Weiss!" in my face until it's soaking wet from your beer spit. Because you knew that as a member of the Hanszen College Student Council I had no choice but to shout "Sucks!" back until you stopped. And as much as I loved to do that, I was usually talking to a girl at the time. A girl like Patty Brizendine, who played Powderpuff football and who was really stacked. You know, a pretty girl. Not like the skeezy chicks you were always hitting on, Teague.
Fortunately, though, Teague was kind of asthmatic. He could only keep it up for so long, then he'd get all wheezy and have to stumble into the bathroom where he'd suck on his huffer for a while. That usually shut him up.
The reason I'm telling you this is because Teague had a weird ass. For a total ballbag he was a pretty normal looking guy, except he had this weird ass, all big and womanly. It always made me wonder whether Teague was gay. Which is totally cool and everything. But childbearing hips on a dude is kind of queer.
Where was I going with this again? Oh yeah, Assateague Island. I'm totally looking forward to it.
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