You really owe it to yourself to check out my friend Kent's travelogue: Homeland Drifter.

If anyone knows how to score cheap blow in Rio, it's Kent.

Hotel Soap Project No. 5

Manufacturer: SoMo

Product Name: Conditioner

Source: Unknown hotel, Tokyo

What's hot?: It's Japanese!

What's not?: Not really Japanese; hard plastic bottle; smells like Grandmas

Comments: Using a hard plastic bottle ("HPB") for the SoMo conditioner is slightly less inexcusable than for the agua body scrub. However, unlike the body scrub, you can at least shake the conditioner out of the bottle.
What's more disturbing than the HPB is that the conditioner isn't really Japanese. While one would think that the Japanese body care industry would be more than capable of making its own conditioner, we find that this conditioner is imported from England. SoMo is manufactured by Molton Brown, the same company that supplies United Airlines with toiletries in their international business class amenity kits.
And like so many things from England, this too smells like Grandmas.

Hotel Soap Project No. 4

Manufacturer: agua
Product Name: Body Scrub
Source: St. Martin's Lane, London
What's hot?: Clean, vaguely medicinal scent; exfoliating beads
What's not?: Hard plastic bottle
Comments: Who's the chucklehead who decided to use a hard plastic bottle for this product? While hard plastic bottles might be OK for shampoo, it's definitely not OK for this body scrub. This is a viscous product, people. It doesn't pour. It doesn't come out when I shake it. I have to insert my pinkie into the bottle and let the product ooze over my finger. If I'm going to ooze in the morning, I want to ooze on my own terms, not on the terms of my body scrub.

Hotel Soap Project No. 3

Manufacturer: Gilchrist & Soames
Product Name: Mineral Bath & Shower
Made With: Sea kelp extract
Source: Unknown
What's hot?: Sudsy
What's not?: Smells like Grandmas